Over the years I have worked with many couples that are trying to ‘fix’ their marriage. My wife and I have gone through phases where we’ve tried to ‘fix’ our marriage. Maybe there have been seasons in your relationships that things needed ‘fixed.’
Just stop for a moment and think about this word ‘fix.’ Does it really make sense? Maybe when you need your car repaired. You can go to the parts store and get the parts you need to fix it. Maybe the air conditioner at your house is broken. You can call someone to fix it. Things can be fixed. But people? Relationships? Is it really possible for people to be fixed? I really don’t think so.
One myth we have bought in to that, I believe, has hindered so many relationships is this: I NEED you in order to live. Remember the movie Jerry McGuire? Think back on the famous scene where Jerry looks at his wife, with all the emotion he can muster he says, ‘You complete me.’ All at once every women in the theater swooned as Tom Cruise’s character worked his magic. Don’t kid yourself ladies, you all wished that would have been you he was talking to! The problem with that statement is simple: how can I ever complete someone when I am just as broken and messed up as they are? Two broken, incomplete people CANNOT form one healthy relationship! It doesn’t work that way! Because of all this messed up thinking we have bought, I came up with a principle that really isn’t new. It’s in fact an age old principle that I just put in ‘Mitch talk’ so I could understand it better. I like to call it a ‘Mitchism.’ It is simply this: It is better to be chosen than needed. I would much rather be chosen by someone than be needed. I would much rather go into a relationship with someone that was willing than with someone that thought they had to be there. I would much rather have employees that chose to work for me than those that just worked for a pay check. I would much rather be a chosen employee than a slave.
You see, when we go in to a relationship knowing we are chosen, then we are more willing to participate in developing this relationship. We look at each other from a totally different perspective. We view each other in simple terms instead of seeing each other’s faults and failures. When relationships are chosen, they are full of grace, forgiveness and love. Whether it be a business or a marriage, it is always best to be chosen.
Tags: change, love, relationships
Definitely CHOSEN….Live Loved
I LOVE BEING ADOPTED!
This is something I share a lot with people- you can not choose your parents, siblings or your children when they are born to you, or you to them. They are given to you by God and we have to trust him and his plan when dealing with these particular groups of people. Your spouse, however, is the one person in your family who God lets you exercise that coveted free will with… Wow! I got to choose my husband, and he chose me. My husband tells me all the time just how lucky he feels to be with me. Last night he said “I’m glad you chose me”. I must say I feel the same way about him. After 9 years of marriage (going on 90), I can honestly tell you that we are a strong unit giving what we can to help and share with one another. We are not perfect people, but our marriage is a gift that we both choose to enjoy and appreciate daily!
Thank you Mitch for your awesome insight today!
Patty
Being chosen by someone speaks volumes about what they think about you. Those of us who are or have been married know that special feeling, but what about even when you are chosen by a complete stranger who maybe finds you stranded along a roadsde due to car trouble. They chose you to help.
I can best relate to the concept of being chosen by my relationship with Jesus the Christ. I am a disciple of the Christ and as such I realize the specialness of the relationship that I have with the Christ. Of course, He gets the “short end of stick” on this deal. Because of my human nature, I don’t love Him as consistently, passionately, and completely as He does me. What is special about my relationship with the Christ is that He pursued me and chose me. He told some of His first disciples “You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.” (John 15:16) In no way can my mind conceive that the Creator of the universe “needed” me, but He chose me. When you are a disciple of someone you follow their teachings and the primary teaching that Jesus gives His disciples is found in John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
Notice how this can all be summed up: I have been chosen to choose others to love. How do I love others? Not only do I desire and pray for the best for them, but when the occasion arises, I do the best I can for them. Chosen to choose! Oh, the blessing of being chosen!
Choose someone to help today!!! Oh, by the way, have you pledged to help Mitch yet? With every post, Mitch has sacrificed his time to chose to encourage you. Choose to encourage him with your support!
Thanks again Mitch for choosing us to encourage. You are indeed a true friend to all of us.